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A Chinese Love Song Singer and a Hooker

12 Apr

Album Cover of Tai Yuan Long, Chinese Love Song Singer

Apparently being out on the town, with your significant other on your arm, is not a deterrent for the people of Beijing.  In fact, from my experience, I am beginning to believe that their aggressive nature lures them to the challenge.  I would like to share 2 of our favorite stories that happened within 1 week of each other.

The first incident occurred on St. Patrick’s Day at our favorite Irish Pub in town, Molly Malone’s.  It was absolutely packed (mostly due to the fact that the Guinness was flowing like wine…for FREE).  Brett and I were at a table about to order some food when a friend of mine from Hong Kong walked in.  I know – small world, right?  She was with a Chinaman. He quickly approached me, and introduced himself as a Chinese love song singer.  His English was very broken so the conversation was difficult, not to mention the fact that he had absolutely no interest in including Brett in the discussion (of which I am still fuzzy on the content).  We were able to get rid of him when the food arrived.  We had a few laughs and then we didn’t really think another thing of it.  The next day I received this hilarious text  message (verbatim):

“Hi Morgan.  Did not know that I write your name to be whether correct?  I was last night acquaintance’s Chinese love song singer.  My Chinese name pronunciation is Tai Yuan Long; you may call my English name TallOne.  You are very attractive, is very sexy, I like you, feels is infatuated very much.  Hoped that we have the very good relations.  Because perhaps we are acquainted with each other, may let your Chinese be getting better.  May let my English be getting better.  Will meet next time the present to you my phonograph record.  You from USA?   I am Cancer (the crab).  What is your constellation?”

First, I would like to thank my friend in Hong Kong for giving him my number.  Secondly, I am a Virgo.

Interior of Chocolate (i.e. hookerville)

A few nights later, it was my turn to be completely ignored.  We were having after dinner drinks with some friends at a pretty seedy bar called Chocolate.  I would NOT recommend it!  It was pretty clear that the majority of the women in the place were working girls (not the Melanie Griffith type). It was obvious that Brett and I were together – holding hands, arm in arm, etc; however this visibly did not matter.  Reluctantly I excused myself to the ladies room, which by the way, was covered in college bar gunk and had your typical hole in the ground Chinese toilet.  Needless to say, it was a lovely experience.

I couldn’t have been gone more than 2 minutes.  When I returned, Brett was engaged in work talk with our 2 friends, although someone else was desperately trying to join the group.  I watched and laughed from a few feet away for about 20 seconds as Brett continued to literally shake off the aggressive and pudgy hooker.  Then – I am not sure what happened.  As best I can tell, the Morgan that I know left my body to be replaced by a territorial hippo.  (I looked it up – they are the most territorial mammals according to many sources.)  I grabbed the little Chinese girl by the hand and pulled her away exclaiming, “Bùshì nǐ de”.  (Not yours in Chinese).  Classy…right?   Morgan reentered my body.  I looked over at Brett and our friends in utter humiliation, but Brett had the proudest smile on his face.  I am positive that Tammy Wynette would have been proud as well.

Beijing Tip:

Molly Malone’s Irish Pub

No.90, Jinbao Street

Dongcheng District


Tel: (+86) 010 010-65227258


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